I have spent the last two years of my life dedicated to my spirituality. I set forth on a quest to find myself, and what a ride it has been! I found my calling was always present, but never quite defined. It was so much of who I was that I missed seeing it. I compared myself to the world and took measure from the eyes of others. It led me to fear and anger. I released my expectations of self and fell blind to the pressures of society. I challenged the status quo, asked a lot of questions, and found myself somewhere in the process. I was surprised to find out that there was never anything wrong with me other than a smaller perspective of self and life around me. I was not always the best-natured or most giving person, but I was true and honest about my beliefs. I was harder on myself than I should have been, but without the harsh view I may not have seen the beauty within.
I will never forget the day I walked along to find a dead raven on my path watching the bugs devour it, and thinking…this is perfect. It is as perfect and natural as the most beautiful flower, yet I refused to see it. Suddenly, I found perfection everywhere and magic filled my life. It was like a spark that ignited an awareness of all things and their infinite place within the universe. Darkness forever lives as shadow in the light, and the darkest of nights can be illuminated by a tiny flicker of light. This is when I found hope, and truly understood its meaning.
I cannot know all that is to come. I cannot expect the right conditions to find me. However, I can hope for the best, and continue to see the best in all things. By surrounding my life in hope, I shifted into gratitude. I saw relationships in ways I had taken for granted for years. People became precious to me. I became precious to me. Through this enlightening, I connected more and more with a Divine presence which guided me forward by showing me my past. I fought these lessons time and again, but I started to see their patterns. I recognized my follies and started to look at things from a higher perspective. It all came and went as I ebbed and flowed in awareness until one day, I woke up entirely.
In my own way, I understood the nature of the universe and I found peace. It grew and evolved at such a rapid pace that I wondered if death were about to find my door. I found myself content and satisfied with the way I had lived my life despite my less than stellar performances and traumatic experiences. I saw all things as they were and I felt complete. I bowed down, pulled all my focus into my heart space and said, “What more than this could I possibly ask? I have all that I want and all that I need. I have done what I set out to do. What more is left?” A voice came up like a whisper to say, “You have fought your demons, sought out your treasures, and have found yourself without a journey. The death you feel is simply the end of an inner struggle. Go forward now in love and joy to explore life from a new perspective; one of inner peace.”
So, here I am at the end of a very long journey wondering what amazing new experiences 2012 will bring, and knowing that no matter where the road takes me I always carry my peace within.
